Saturday, 5 September 2009

Red for Osho show - theme is old age

Musician was a bit late but the show passed off well. My short stories with morals went down well. Sparse audience but a few good tippers. Here are my stories with 10 seconds between lines:

Konnichiwa Dear Patrons
Today I’ll tell a few short stories in keeping with the “OLD” theme for performances today.
Each story has a moral that I will divulge at the end of the story.
The first story is "The Mischievous Dog"
There was once a dog who used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation,
and who was a great nuisance to everyone who came to his master's house.
So his master fastened a bell round his neck to warn people of his presence.
The dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction.
But an OLD dog came up to him and said, "The fewer airs and graces you give yourself the better, my friend.
You don't think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit?
On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace."
And the moral of the story is “Notoriety is often mistaken for fame.”
The next story is "The Crab and His Mother"
An OLD crab said to her son, "Why do you walk sideways like that, my son?
You ought to walk straight."
The young crab replied, "Show me how, dear mother, and I'll follow your example."
The OLD crab tried, but tried in vain, and then saw how foolish she had been to find fault with her child.
And the moral of the story is “Example is better than precept.”
The next story is "The Mice and the Weasels"
There was war between the mice and the weasels, in which the mice always got the worst of it, numbers of them being killed and eaten by the weasels.
So they called a council of war, in which an OLD mouse got up and said, "It's no wonder we are always beaten,
for we have no generals to plan our battles and direct our movements in the field."
Acting on his advice, they chose the biggest mice to be their leaders, and these, in order to be distinguished from the rank and file,
provided themselves with helmets bearing large plumes of straw.
They then led out their fellow mice to battle, confident of victory; but they were defeated as usual,
and were soon scampering as fast as they could back to their holes.
All made their way to safety without difficulty except the leaders, who were so hampered by the badges of their rank
that they could not get into their holes, and fell easy victims to their pursuers.
And the moral of the story is “Greatness carries its own penalties.”
The next story is "The Cat and the Mice"
A certain house was much infested by mice.
The owner brought home a cat, a famous mouser, who soon ran havoc among the little folk that those who were left stayed closely on the upper shelves.
Then the cat grew hungry and thin, and, driven by her wit's end, hung by her hind legs to a peg in the wall
and pretended to be dead in order that the mice would no longer be afraid to come near her.
An OLD mouse came to the edge of the shelf, and, seeing through the trick, cried out,
"Ah ha, Mrs. Pussy! We should not come near you, even if your skin were stuffed with straw."
And the moral of the story is “Old birds are not to be caught with chaff.”
The next story is "The Bundle of Sticks"
An OLD man on the point of death summoned his sons around him to give them some parting advice.
He ordered his servants to bring in a bundle of sticks, and said to his eldest son, "Break it."
The son strained and strained, but with all his efforts was unable to break the bundle.
The other sons also tried, but none of them was successful.
"Untie the bundle," said the father, "and each of you take a stick."
When they had done so, he called out to them, "Now, break," and each stick was easily broken.
"You see my meaning," said their father.
And the moral of the story is “Union gives strength.”
The next story is "The Farmer and His Sons"
A certain OLD farmer, lying at the point of death, called his sons around him, and gave into their charge his fields and vineyards,
telling them that a treasure lay hidden somewhere in them, within a foot of the surface of the ground.
His sons thought he spoke of money that he had hidden, and after he was buried they dug most industriously all over the estate, but found nothing.
The soil being so well loosened, however, the succeeding crops were of unequalled richness,
and the sons then found out what their father had in view in telling them to dig for hidden treasure.
And the moral of the story is “Industry is fortune's right hand.”
The next story is "The Sick Stag"
A stag, whose joints had become stiff with OLD age, was at great pains to get together a large heap of fodder –
enough, as he thought, to last him for the remainder of his days.
He stretched himself out upon it, and, now dozing, now nibbling, made up his mind to wait quietly for the end.
He had always been of a bright and lively turn, and had made in his time many friends.
These now came in great numbers to see him and wish him farewell.
While engaged in friendly talk over past adventures and old times,
what more natural than that they should help themselves to a little of the food which seemed so plentifully stored around?
The end of the matter was that the poor stag died not so much of sickness or of OLD age, as for sheer want of the food which his friends had eaten for him.
And the moral of the story is “Thoughtless friends bring more hurt than profit.”
The next story is "The Bald Knight"
A certain knight, who wore a wig to conceal his baldness, was out hunting one day.
A sudden gust of wind carried away his wig and showed his bald pate.
His friends all laughed heartily at the odd figure he made, but the OLD fellow, so far from being put out, laughed as heartily as any of them.
"Is it any wonder," said he, "that another man's hair shouldn't keep on my head when my own wouldn't stay there?"
And the moral of the story is “Every event has its reason.”
The next story is "Death and Cupid"
Cupid, one sultry summer's noon, tired with play and faint with heat, went into a cool grotto to repose himself.
This happened to be the cave of Death!
He threw himself carelessly down upon the floor, his quiver turned upside down and all the arrows fell out.
Cupid's arrows mingled with those of Death, which lay scattered about the place.
When he awoke he gathered them up as well as he could; but they were so intermingled
that although he knew the proper number to take, he could not rightly distinguish his own.
Hence he took up some of the arrows which belonged to Death, and left some of his.
This is the reason why that we now and then see the hearts of the OLD and decrepit transfixed with the bolts of Love;
and with great grief and surprise sometimes see youth and beauty smitten with the darts of Death.
And the moral of the story is “Death and Love strike unexpectedly.”
The final story is "The Two Rats"
A cunning OLD rat discovered on his rounds a most tempting piece of cheese, which was placed in a trap.
But being well aware that if he touched the trap he would be caught, he slyly sought one of his young friends,
and, under the mask of friendship, informed the young rat of the delicious prize.
"I cannot use it myself," said he, "for I have just eaten a hearty meal."
The inexperienced youngster thanked him with gratitude for the news, and heedlessly sprang upon the tempting bait;
on which the trap closed and instantly killed him.
His OLD companion, being now quite safe from the trap, quietly ate up the delicious cheese.
And the moral of the story is “Do not listen to every passer-by.”
And that sticky end for the young rat ends my performance today…

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